40 Key principles of First Aid

1. Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is bad.
2. Examine the quiet ones first,  then chest clutchers, bleeders next, then the rest of the whiners.
3. When dealing with citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was wrong.
4. All bleeding stops... eventually.
5. You can't cure stupid.
6. If it's wet and sticky and not yours -- LEAVE IT ALONE !!!
7. EMS is extended periods of boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror.
8. A good tape job will fix almost anything.
9. The severity of the injury is directly proportional to the weight of the patient.
10. There is no such thing as a "textbook case".
11. You've come to conclude 90% of all drunks are a waste of protoplasm.
12. Never refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
13. Automatically multiply by 5 the number of drinks they claim to have had.
14. Assume every female between 6 and 106 is pregnant until proven otherwise.
15. Get very, very scared when a child is too quiet.
16. All emergency calls will wait until you begin to eat, regardless of the time. (Always order food "to go".)
17. The Paramedical Laws of Time:
    There is absolutely no relationship between the time at which you are supposed to get off shift and the time at which you will get off shift. Given the following equation: T + 1 Minute = Relief Time, "T" will always be the time of the last call of your shift. E.g., If you are supposed to get off shift at 08:00, your last run will come in at 07:59. (Or if you have early relief coming in you will see you relief sitting at the first stop light from the station, waving!)
18. The Paramedical Rule of Random Synchronicity:
    Emergency calls will randomly come in all at once.
19. The Rule of Respiratory Arrest: All patients who are vomiting and must be intubated will have just completed a large meal of Barbecue and Onions, Garlic Pizza, and Pickled Herring, all of which was washed down with at least three cans of Beer.
20. The First Principle of Triage:
    In any accident, the degree of injury suffered by a patient is inversely proportional to the amount and volume of agonized screaming produced by that patient.
21. The Paramedical Law of Light:
    As the seriousness of any given injury increases, the availability of light to examine that injury decreases.
22. The Paramedical Law of Space:
    The amount of space which is needed to work on a patient varies inversely with the amount of space which is available to work on that patient.
23. The Paramedical Theory of Weight:
    The weight of the patient that you are about to transport increases by the square of the sum of the number of floors which must be ascended to reach the patient plus the number of floors which must be descended while carrying the patient.
24. The First Rule of Bystanders:
    Any bystander who offers you help will give you none.
25. The Second Rule of Bystanders:
    Always assume that any Physician found at the scene of an emergency is a Gynecologist, until proven otherwise.
26. The correct depth of compression in adult CPR is a bit less than the depth you just reached when you broke those ribs.
27. Always wear gloves,
28. Always put your own safety before anyone elses,
29. Do what you’re trained to do, not what you saw in Casualty last night,
30. Kind to your casualty be, for when they are gone, miss them you will (well, on sports duties at least),
31. If in doubt, pass it on (call ambulance),
32. The quickest way to a Man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist,
33. DR(s)AB(c),
34. If you don’t write it down then it never happened. Everything happens* (do your PRFs),
35. Pens are good, guard them with your life,
36. The more you want an interesting casualty the less likely you are to get any casualties/ the more nicked fingers you’ll deal with,
37. Friday’s are generally very dull or a real pain in the arse, especially special Friday’s,
38. If you ever describe a casualty as having a contusion I will slap you,
39. Deep heat is evil,
40. Your dressings and bandages don’t have to be as pretty as in training they just have to work (safe, efficient and prompt),

Protect life, Prevent further injury and promote recovery

QOTD:

Carter: "So you built that...Stargate."
Daniel: "Way smarter than we are."
O'Neill: "Ours is bigger."

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^QOTD:

Jack: It's time for Plan B.
Sam: We have a Plan B?
Jack: No, but it's time for one.